Developing Healthy Boundaries -- "I don't need anyone's approval" #UU #amreading
This week I'm sharing a Unitarian Universalist reflection I wrote on cultivating healthy boundaries, which includes a short meditation at the end.
A YouTube video of the talk is below and under that is the text of the talk.
We often hear about boundaries in terms of breaking boundaries, of being more than we were taught we could be. I fully support that. And as a lesbian (who came out in the early 1980s), I have lived that.
But it’s also true that boundaries are healthy and necessary. We have to take care of ourselves before we can help others. According to the magazine Psychology Today, “Setting healthy boundaries can be a way of preserving one's mental health and well-being.”
I explored my sense of self in my memoir LOST, a daughter navigates father loss and discovers what it means to belong, which is being published next year. In it, I write:
Like many who have lost a lot of weight, I have developed better boundaries. I have a stronger sense of myself as a separate entity, in being able to walk away from people whose behaviors I don’t think are healthy. Usually, this involves the use of food, alcohol, or both. Thinking about what I eat and having to read the ingredients of food—so many things include dairy, which is an animal product—is helpful to me in staying healthy. At the same time, I feel more connected to the world around me, to all beings including other humans and nonhuman animals.
I don’t know if I had to wait until my father died to get in touch with my father who lives inside of me, but this is how it feels. I know I am stubborn and obstinate like my father was—although maybe less so. Since I am more in touch with my body, I also feel him acutely in my bones and in my movements. Still, something gnaws at me. I may have survived for many years by running from my past, but it doesn’t feel like it is serving me to continue to do so. I long to be whole, to be able to embrace my past as well as my present. It feels like this may be necessary for me to thrive in the future.
Still, my past was painful and complicated. I don’t know if I’ll ever make peace with the place I came from, the conventional landscape I had to flee from. If I lived there and associated with the kind of people I used to hang out with and still shared their habits, I would have died a long time ago, far before my father did. I wouldn’t have had to have a medical emergency wake me up the year I turned sixty. It would have been too late.
Going to a plant-based diet seven years ago, when I turned sixty, has given me a better sense of myself. Having clearer boundaries makes me more comfortable in the world. I didn’t lose weight intentionally. For me, the transition was all about health. And when I lost weight, I was surprised to find that I felt better. I took off enough weight to feel like a small person had walked away. I thought of that person as containing my addictions, including to food.
In the process of going vegan, I had a consciousness-raising experience about the ethical reasons for going vegan – for the rights of the animals not to be eaten and in eating in the best possible way for the environment. Going vegan has also benefitted me by giving me instant boundaries.
I meditate every day—something that has also contributed to me having better boundaries. Recently, I came across a quote from the Upanishads, the ancient Hindu text, that reads, There is joy in the void. So, there is joy in the practice of meditation, and this includes the experience of knowing your self-worth and being less defensive to protect yourself.
I want to end by sharing with you a short meditation on developing better boundaries, and if you like, you can do it with me.
Place your hand on your heart and take a deep breath.
You can close your eyes if you would like.
Say silently:
I honor myself.
I do not need anyone’s approval.
I am my own authority.
I love myself.
Take another deep breath and release.
Thank you. You can do this meditation anytime you feel overwhelmed.
--Namaste
The Lens of Eternity: Queer Love from Two Pandemics by Janet Mason, from Resource Publications, an imprint of Wipf and Stock Publishers, 9798385215195 / paperback / $19/£17/AU$27 is available online at www.wipfandstock.com and Amazon at The Lens of Eternity: Queer Love from Two Pandemics: Mason, Janet: 9798385215195: Amazon.com: Books
and wherever books are sold. Her author website is: JanetMason.org | Queer Books
I was especially honored by the beautiful cover that Wipf and Stock Publishers did, which features a photograph that Berenice Abbott took, which she titled "Manhattan Bridge Looking Up."
The Lens of Eternity: Queer Lives from Two Pandemics, my hybrid memoir highlighting the life of noted photographer Berenice Abbott and her long-term partner, an art critic of note, is also available here: The Lens of Eternity: Queer Love from Two Pandemics: Mason, Janet: 9798385215201: Amazon.com: Books
CINNAMON, my most recent novel, is available on amazon.com: Cinnamon: A dairy cow’s (and her farmer’s) path to freedom: Mason, Janet: 9781958419786: Amazon.com: Books
CINNAMON is also available through your local bookstore and library
(ask them to order it if they don’t have it).
For more information on my novel THEY, a biblical tale of secret genders published by Adelaide Books, click here.
To learn more about The Unicorn, The Mystery, click here:
For more information on my most recent novel, Loving Artemis, an endearing tale of revolution, love, and marriage, click here.
To order my book, Tea Leaves, a memoir of mothers and daughters, click here.
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